Well, not *on* my birthday, but near enough to it that he was still self-isolating

Which in our case meant he was sequestered away in the second bedroom, only coming out to use the bathroom while masked, and having zero physical contact or even in-the-same-room conversation for days...including the day of my birthday.

As soon as he tested positive and we cancelled our original celebration plans (the most anticipated of which was taking a horse-drawn carriage ride for aperitivo around Lucca)

I immediately felt that all-too-familiar "other shoe dropping" disappointment. And as my shoulders slumped and my heart dropped, a wounded thought bubbled up that said "well now my birthday is just going to be like any other old day."

But then something different happened...

Something new

Something that I don't believe would have happened a few short years ago...

Just as quickly as that thought came -- I caught it.

I saw it for what it was

I made a new decision: covid raining on my birthday parade or not, I was going to find a way to honor and celebrate my birthday with the kind of sweet sacredness I desired.

And I DIDN'T SPIRAL into a victimy pool of sadness when my picture perfect plans fell apart!!

Instead I turned to my tools immediately

I reached out to one of my coaches for support

And began creating the most pleasurable pivot possible.

My coach asked me the question that we begin facilitating all great experiences from ~ “How do you desire to feel?”

My answer: Loved, Connected, Valued & Celebrated.

Through this process, I came up with a new birthday day plan that was so delicious & delightful in how it honored my desires, that the disappointment just melted away...

So, while my original "perfect" birthday plans of spending the day being whisked away by my husband to have a picnic at a villa, afternoon tea at the most luxurious cafe, a carriage ride around the city, and ending with a romantic candle lit dinner, were no longer possible

It didn't have to mean my birthday couldn't still be wonderful.

~ My leadership cohort sang me the most hilariously amazing birthday song over zoom (by far the best EL tradition!)

~ I decorated our apartment the night before with a birthday banner & balloons to wake up to to ensure the day would immediately feel extra special

~ I was greeted with the sweetest kitty kisses & meows & snuggles first thing in the morning

~ I made sure I connected with people who love me unconditionally, like having a 2 hour zoom date with my mom and getting to be held by my peer coach & sister on our weekly session

~ I got out in nature, which always brings me joy, and took a walk around my favorite part of Lucca with no headphones in, just simply listening to the birds and basking in the spring sunshine

~ I took myself on a day date where every step of the way I checked in with myself and asked myself "what do I desire now?"

~ I spent a slow & leisurely lunch drinking tea, reading for pleasure, and journaling my intentions & desires for my new year in a dreamy hotel

~ I felt like going shopping for the first time since I moved here and bought myself some sweet birthday goodies, which felt particularly sweet with the level of discernment I brought to only buying things that were a full-on "I love this!!" joy and not just a "maybe" or an "it's alright"

~ While I was out, my husband hid little love notes around the house for me to discover and wrote the most beautiful birthday card that brought me to tears

~ The stars aligned for me and I was able to book a last-minute birthday reading with the most magical human

~ I attended a relaxed money workshop and was randomly selected to win 1 of 4 prizes out of 15,000 registered participants (which just felt like such a sweet & affirming little miracle!)

~ I slowly savored each and every birthday message I received and felt heartfelt gratitude for being seen & celebrated

~ And I ended it all doing one of my favorite things...cooking a beautiful meal to share. Fresh ricotta & squash tortelloni with sage browned butter sauce and an arugula salad with quick-pickled onions, toasted walnuts & fresh goat cheese rolled in dried rose petals.

In so so so many ways...my birthday was wonderful. And certainly far more wonderful than I feared it would end up in that initial moment of let down.

And also...there were hard parts, and sad parts, and lonely parts, and disappointed parts.

And instead of putting pressure on myself for it to all be "good!" and "happy!" because it's a birthday! I let myself have and feel all of the parts, because they were real and they were true.

But...it wasn't just one thing.

It wasn't all good and it wasn't all bad.

And most of all, just because this "bad thing" of my husband getting covid happened, didn't mean it had to be all bad.

My past-self, stuck in perfectionism and all-or-nothing thinking, wouldn't have been able to see and receive all of the wonderful, once that mirage of "perfect" had been ruined.

But thanks to all of the inner work I've done over the last year to release my need to control & to have things be perfect in order to be wonderful...

Today I could.

And that for me, is really something to celebrate.

For My Birthday, My Husband Got Covid